90210 came back from the grave, or wherever it is that cancelled TV shows go and now it's back for its second season. Hot guys and scantily clad girls rampaging wild and loose in Beverly Hills, yeeeeee!! Wait. What's with all the suck??
"FAIL. Whomp whomp."
90210 should work. It's got all the makings of a hit teen drama and the advantage of a template that it can shamelessly abuse. However, as shallow as the genre is purported to be, teen drama is evidently more than just the sum of its parts. 90210 is almost a parody of what it's trying to be. You can almost hear the writers and producers scratching their heads as they attempt to grasp the inner workings of a teenager's mind and the "whomp whomp" as they fail miserably.
The show's leading ladies are legitimately gorgeous, especially queen bee Naomi, played by AnnaLynne McCord, whose venomous facial expressions are something every self-respecting gay boy should be practicing in the mirror. But all the slow-motion scenes of the girls in itsy bitsy bikinis at the private pool club or strutting the school hallways in chic ensembles (Silver looked fabulous, didn't she?) isn't enough to overlook the show's stunning lack of decent dialogue. Wait, maybe 'decent' is too high a standard? How about any dialogue at all?? None of the characters actually talk to one another; there is only self-absorbed ranting that no one onscreen actually pays any attention to. 80% of the forced, contrived drama that will indubitably be rehashed on the show until at least January could have been resolved in the first episode if any of the characters cared to actually carry on a conversation."Every self-respecting gay boy should practice Naomi's stank faces in the mirror."
Also, what's with all the plot devices coming at you with the speed of an old granny in a walker? Annie, troubled by her deep, dark secret, pushing her friends and family away and turning to sex and alcohol? Called that, saw it on Degrassi five years ago. Naomi, jumping from man to hideous, double-chinned older man to keep her mind off the (smoking hot) guy who wronged her last season and, surprise!!, has enrolled in all of her classes this year? Yeah, not surprised. And what's with all the disingenuous histrionics? One day, Silver has no idea whether she wants to be with Ethan or Dixon, the next she "can't breathe, can't breathe" *rolls eyes* because she knows it's Dixon now but he doesn't want to be with her, and the next the bitch is totally fine and absolutely WERQing a fierce outfit down the halls of her school (seriously, that belt was fire). Spare me. Oh, and another thing: does it have to be so blatantly obvious that none of these people are remotely close to 16??
"90210 is great except for the complete lack of dialogue and miserably predicatable plot developments. Sorry."
I'll give the show another shot next week in the hopes that Naomi will make another stank face and Liam will take his shirt off for some reason, but, unless Ethan and Tabitha both come back to the show and start making out with each other, I almost certainly won't be following 90210 this season. There's just too much else on this year.
Rating: 4/10
Think I was too harsh? Did you absolutely love it?? Sound off! Leave me a comment.
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