Vampire Diaries made its debut on the CW tonight without much bite. While I'm not familiar with the series of books the show is based on, I have seen all seven seasons of Buffy (multiple times), read the Twilight series and seen the movie (again, multiple times) and am waiting on pins and needles for the second season finale of True Blood on Sunday. I know vampires. I know they're hot right now. And it would seem that Vampire Diaries’ lifeless (in a bad way) pilot is the CW's attempt to cash in on the bloody cow. Or something like that. (I like malapropisms! And parenthetical thoughts!!)
Nina Dobrev, another Degrassi alumnus to get a break in Hollywood and star in her own show on the CW (You hear that, Cassie Steele?! You let TWO girls cut in front of you!!), plays Elena, a high school girl struggling with the loss of her parents. Surely, whoever employed Nina as the lead in this show has reviewed her work on Degrassi? Apparently, they overlooked her limited talent. In Vampire Diaries, that oversight is glaring; she plays Elena completely flat and her awkwardness in the scenes with lead vampire, Stefan, is cringe inspiring. I mean, I know her parents just died a few months ago, but damn, nothing brings you back to life like bumping into a smolderingly hot vampire in the hallway. Act like you know, girl.
Stefan, played by Paul Wesley, is perfect. The square jaw, the piercing eyes, the cute butt. He is exactly how I imagined Edward Cullen to be while reading the Twilight series. Robert Pattinson added in his own dorkiness, but it added to the charm and ended up working. Paul, however, has classic vampire down. Stefan starts off the episode saying, "I have to know her," 'her' denoting Elena, and I spent the first half hour wondering why in the hell anyone, dead or alive, would want to get to know her. It definitely isn’t her personality!
Lastly, there is Damon, the evil vampire played by Ian Somerhalder. Firstly, just to get it out of the way: Ian needs a haircut. Besides that, he’s pretty generic. While his brother, Stefan, has decided to live amongst people and live off the blood of animals, Damon, clearly a voluptuary, has not. And of course, he has this nasty grudge against his dear brother and likes to see him suffer. Not only was the pilot a solid hour of "meet the characters," but also the plot of episodes to come seem easily predictable, especially with the show’s similarities to the other popular vampire stories of the moment. I think the only way they’ll get viewers to stick around is if everyone is really hot and there’s vampire sex.
Well, it’s the CW -- so yeah, everyone’s really hot. Elena’s psychic best friend, her acquaintances, her ex-boyfriend (dear god), her ex-boyfriend’s sister, and even her little brother are all insanely attractive. Clearly, I need to move to Mystic Falls. The vampire sex thing remains to be seen. But they’ll do the right thing if they’re smart. As it’s only the pilot, I’ll be giving the Vampire Diaries another shot to surprise me next week. There better be less clothing.
Too harsh?? Too nice?? Sound off! Leave a comment.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
TV Review: Don't Be Shy, 'The Vampire Diaries' Has No Fangs
TV Review: Cycle 13: Smaller Girls, Bigger Crazy
Tyra's back, and of course, she's bringing the crazy. For this unbelievable thirteenth cycle (like, seriously can you imagine this show ending?) Tyra has opened up the doors to aspiring young models shorter than 5'7". This is a bit of a stretch considering even the tall winners of ANTM have only seen limited, scattered success, but there's no contradicting Tyra.
Even though it's 'Le Cycle 13,' the general formula of the show is mostly unchanged with the exception of the shorter girls' inclusion. Oh, and Paulina Porizkova is gone. She'll be replaced by a different guest judge every week. Paulina was kind of weird and annoying, and new guest judges are more exciting besides. So, not exactly 'good riddance' but you won't actually 'be missed' either.
As is typical, the premiere ran for two hours with the 14 finalists selected at the end of the first hour. But the first hour of a season of ANTM is like the auditions for American Idol. Pure comedy. Amber, possibly the most insane, hilarious girl I've even seen on the show actually made it through to the final 14, but as she probably is actually insane, she dropped out shortly after, replaced by a Mila Kunis wannabe (who ended up the first girl to get the boot). It was actually sad seeing all the girls eliminated this time around. You know they're so short that this was really a one-shot opportunity... Oh, well!
The biggest difference in this cycle in my opinion isn't the girls' height but how gorgeous so many of them are. Sure, it's a modeling competition and there are always a couple girls in every cycle that are beautiful but I spent most of last night saying "She's so pretty..." That or "Wow, this bitch is crazy!"Usually I'm squinting at the screen trying to see what Tyra is seeing, but all the girls look like models this time around and the vast majority are breathtaking on film. It's one of the best bunches she's gotten together. My only issue is Bianca. Damn, did we really need another bald, black bitch?? Nnenna and Sandra and now this chick. These girls don't love themselves, they're insecurities are plain as day. Giving dark-skinned girls a bad name.
As this is the thirteenth cycle, I'm sure you know by know whether you like ANTM or not. I can only tell you that this season stands up to the ones that came before it, and has the potential to be even better. Instead of the bitchy catfights to come, I'm actually looking forward to seeing these gorgeous girls compete. Pictured above are the girls I think have the most potential. Agree? Glee and ANTM Wednesdays for me, yeee.
Will you be watching Top Model this season?? Which girls do you like the best?? Sound off! Leave a comment.
TV Review: Oh Em Glee
Glee. Is. Amazing.
Because of all the hype surrounding this show since the pilot episode aired a few months back, I decided to wait for the series' proper premiere to watch the show. I mean, why suffer all summer? Turns out I was (unusually) prescient in this instance; I couldn't imagine waiting three months to see the next episode!
Glee had me laughing out loud from start to finish. The humor is quick, biting, and relentless. There was much garbling about stereotypical, unoriginal characters after the pilot aired, but while the social hierarchy of the students may be archetypal, I have never seen these characters before. The satire turns everyone inside out, and while you think you know what roles these characters will play, it's wildly entertaining to watch them surprise you over and over again.
If this ensemble cast has a main character, it's Will, the hot Spanish teacher who becomes Glee Club director, played by Matthew Morrison. The show shuffles back and forth between his home life with his demanding, conniving wife and his school life concerning his relations with the rest of the staff and his Glee students. Rachel, played by Lea Michele, is the leader of Glee Club, passionately devoted to her craft and developing her talent, and the object of ridicule for the competing cheerleading squad and the football team. The rest of the Glee Club is made up of Finn, a conflicted jock with a big voice, Mercedes, a black R&B diva with a bigger voice (she is "Beyoncé, not Kelly Rowland!"), Kurt, a flamboyant, headstrong tenor in fierce designer fashions, Tina, an Asian goth chick with a stutter, and finally, the paraplegic Artie. It took me a while to place him, but I finally realized that Artie is played by Kevin from NLT(!!). You can't fool me with those glasses and that wheelchair, Kevin. I still see all that fine.
Of course, I expected the show to focus mainly on the kids, their hilarious antics and awesome talent. So I was a tad nervous to discover that it was mainly narrated around Will's point of view. Like, if there's one thing I couldn't stand about Degrassi, it was all the plotlines surrounding the adults. Who really cares about Spike and Snake's marriage? Not me. But, Will, again, is super hot, and Emma, the guidance counselor who holds a candle for married Will is so cute with her mysophobia. Not to mention, Sue, played by the superb Jane Lynch. She absolutely steals every single scene she's in. Brilliantly funny.
Now, brace yourself for the cheesy part. There's no better title for the show than Glee. As bitchy as everyone and despite all the facades the characters put up, the show manages to be incredibly heartwarming at times. This is, in large part, thanks to the music. There are three or four numbers per episode and it's really when everything clicks and comes together. Possibly my favorite thing about the show is how positive the message is about the arts without being preachy or uncool. All the kids in Glee Club are committing social suicide but they do it because they love it. And while we're on the subject of the music, Mercedes took Kanye's Gold Digger to church last night and Rachel straight-up killed Rihanna's Take A Bow. She reminds me of a mini Idina Menzel. I can potentially see that dancing and singing along with a sitcom is not everyone's thing. But it's a dream come true for me.
All in all, I can't recommend Glee enough. I loved every minute of it. The cast is extremely talented, the writing fresh and inventive, and the music phenomenal. There's no where else you should be on Wednesday nights.
Oh Em Glee, did you love it too?? Or do you think it's just a stupid musical pretending to be a sitcom?? Sound off! Leave a comment.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
TV Review: Melrose Place is AWFUL...ly good... Who knew?
The series premiere of the revamped Melrose Place aired tonight and color me surprised when 5 minutes in I didn't want to shoot myself and 20 minutes in I was actually into it. MP was not nearly as lame as I expected it to be. While that's normally a snide, queeny judgment, this time it's actually a compliment!
The CW has the 90210 kiddies with the emotional ranges of 8-year-olds, and it has the Gossip Girl socialites who are clearly grown up but restricted by the limitations of their high school roles. But, Melrose Place may just be what the CW has been missing: an adult drama. There's nothing holding the characters in MP back from taking it to the next level, and judging from the premiere, they won't disappoint.
First off, let me get it out of the way and say that everyone is hot. Duh, it's the CW. The show began with a half-naked Michael Rady (hence my rapt attention) who is ridiculously attractive and teasingly put his shirt on far too soon. And then of course there's the hot girlfriend, Riley, played by a Jessica Lucas migrated from 90210, and all the other fabulously beautiful residents. The gate on 4616 Melrose Place must read "You can't move in unless you're pretty."
The characters' beauty aside, the most intriguing aspect of the first episode was the juxtaposition of the goody-goodies and the ones who seemed to have misplaced their moral compasses. There's the earnest videographer pedaling his amateur film against the slutty, drug-abusing thief. There's the compassionate doctor-in-training versus the haughty, bisexual publicist who takes what she wants. The conflicts work because they're plausible and relatable: What would you do if someone offered you $5000 in tuition money in exchange for sex? (Mm, no comment). Or maybe you'd blackmail and exploit your way into stardom if you had the opportunity. All this combined with a murder in the first ten minutes of the show, and the subsequent whodunit, and Melrose Place becomes a dizzying, yet absorbing drama. Which totally knocked me down on my ass because I expected it to suck.
I guess I expected Melrose Place to be so bad because every time I heard about it or saw an advertisement, I would see Ashlee Simpson. Producers, pay attention: this is what we call 'poor marketing.' After the drab hour spent watching 90210, MP seemed like an oasis in a programming desert. I'll definitely be checking back next week to see if it was all a mirage, or if the show can make good on its promise and become even half as tantalizingly addictive as the original.
Did you love it, too?? Or maybe you hated it and you think I'm a moron?? Sound off! Leave a comment.
TV Review: 9021No.
90210 came back from the grave, or wherever it is that cancelled TV shows go and now it's back for its second season. Hot guys and scantily clad girls rampaging wild and loose in Beverly Hills, yeeeeee!! Wait. What's with all the suck??
90210 should work. It's got all the makings of a hit teen drama and the advantage of a template that it can shamelessly abuse. However, as shallow as the genre is purported to be, teen drama is evidently more than just the sum of its parts. 90210 is almost a parody of what it's trying to be. You can almost hear the writers and producers scratching their heads as they attempt to grasp the inner workings of a teenager's mind and the "whomp whomp" as they fail miserably.
The show's leading ladies are legitimately gorgeous, especially queen bee Naomi, played by AnnaLynne McCord, whose venomous facial expressions are something every self-respecting gay boy should be practicing in the mirror. But all the slow-motion scenes of the girls in itsy bitsy bikinis at the private pool club or strutting the school hallways in chic ensembles (Silver looked fabulous, didn't she?) isn't enough to overlook the show's stunning lack of decent dialogue. Wait, maybe 'decent' is too high a standard? How about any dialogue at all?? None of the characters actually talk to one another; there is only self-absorbed ranting that no one onscreen actually pays any attention to. 80% of the forced, contrived drama that will indubitably be rehashed on the show until at least January could have been resolved in the first episode if any of the characters cared to actually carry on a conversation.Also, what's with all the plot devices coming at you with the speed of an old granny in a walker? Annie, troubled by her deep, dark secret, pushing her friends and family away and turning to sex and alcohol? Called that, saw it on Degrassi five years ago. Naomi, jumping from man to hideous, double-chinned older man to keep her mind off the (smoking hot) guy who wronged her last season and, surprise!!, has enrolled in all of her classes this year? Yeah, not surprised. And what's with all the disingenuous histrionics? One day, Silver has no idea whether she wants to be with Ethan or Dixon, the next she "can't breathe, can't breathe" *rolls eyes* because she knows it's Dixon now but he doesn't want to be with her, and the next the bitch is totally fine and absolutely WERQing a fierce outfit down the halls of her school (seriously, that belt was fire). Spare me. Oh, and another thing: does it have to be so blatantly obvious that none of these people are remotely close to 16??
I'll give the show another shot next week in the hopes that Naomi will make another stank face and Liam will take his shirt off for some reason, but, unless Ethan and Tabitha both come back to the show and start making out with each other, I almost certainly won't be following 90210 this season. There's just too much else on this year.
Think I was too harsh? Did you absolutely love it?? Sound off! Leave me a comment.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Fall Premieres - Reviews
It's that time again. Time for fall premieres! What shows will you be watching this season? Check back here throughout the next few weeks to read impressions of the shows once they air and see what's worth following this fall. Am I missing a show on the calendar?? Did I get a show's review totally wrong?? Give me feedback and I'll follow your favorites.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Utada - This is the One: Album Review
Utada Hikaru has returned stateside to release her second English album to follow up 2004's Exodus. While her English debut was very "mad scientist, experimental," This is the One sees Utada a little more hands-off and going for a fun sound. Short and sweet, this album is certainly a departure from the Hikki I know, lyrically at least, but it definitely stays true to her style and would serve as an excellent introduction to the rest of her discography.
I still haven't tired of lead single Come Back to Me but I still don't love it, either. It's a solid ballad and a grower, but a bit bland. I think it's time Utada released a second single that highlights her personality a bit more. Me Muero, Utada's "favorite song on the album," is an excellent way to kick things off. Hikki combines dramatic lyrics with a carefree melody to expertly capture the melodrama that follows a break-up. The chorus is great, I love the harmonies, and the song is easily relatable. Maybe it'll become my favorite song on the album, too.
Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence - FYI isn't one of those tracks that jump out at you, but I enjoy it quite a bit. The track, I feel, really embodies Utada as an artist; it's incredibly quirky yet well structured in a way that still feels organic rather than deliberate. I see FYI as the Utada litmus test -- if you like this song, you'd probably appreciate the majority of her work. Catchy break-up song Apple and Cinnamon follows and is more engaging and accessible. I almost wish this were her first single as it's more memorable than Come Back to Me.
Taking My Money Back and This One (Crying Like a Child) slow things down, but are no less engrossing. While I've listened to and understood much of her Japanese music, I could never really appreciate her merits as a lyricist because I'm not fluent. But, Hikki really has a way with words and knows how to write a hook. Taking My Money Back, about leaving a no-good man, and This One (Crying Like a Child), about missing a former lover, don't exactly cover uncharted territory but feature Hikaru's stylistic touch and stick with you.
Automatic Part II, the song I was most anticipating, did not disappoint. The song is essentially Utada's 'about me' in musical form. The vocals are very sing-song-y and tongue-in-cheek -- the track's a lot of fun. Dirty Desire and Poppin' explore Utada's sexy side, which really had my jaw dropping once or twice. I'm sure I didn't imagine the sweet, innocent image she's promoted in Japan and so hearing her saucily deliver debaucherous lyrics like "doing my 9 to 5, I'm thinking 6 and 9s" and "tight jeans, no panties on" really took me back. With that said, I really like the mixture of Utada's high and low registers in Poppin', but I'm not too crazy about Dirty Desire.
The album closes with On and On, possibly my favorite track of the set. Hearing Hikki lay her signature vocals on a dance track was bizarre at first listen, but it definitely works. I honestly don't expect anyone to play Utada at a club, but this is my new pre-gaming song. Whilst getting ready "to dance the night away" I dance around my room to Hikki's slick harmonies. And I love the shout-out Hikki throws to the 'mos in the hook. The guy screaming "Yeah!" in the background throughout the ENTIRE song can be distracting, though.
This is the One is a solid pop album that more than stands up to some of the drivel released by our own "artists." The overall tone is light, but it's far from bubble-gum. For people who like to listen to full albums, none of the tracks are throwaway and are all worth a listen. For what is essentially her real American debut, it's nice that her musical integrity and artistry remain intact and she doesn't try to cater to the whims of the American market. (BoA would have been wise to do the same). If this is your first introduction to Utada, I think you'll like what you hear. If you're already a fan, This is the One offers new insight into Hikki-chan as a woman and artist, and I don't think you'll be disappointed.
This is the One was digitally released on iTunes this past Tuesday for $7.99, so go pick it up. Also, the Come Back to Me music video is this week's free download, so hustle and download it before you have to pay. The album was released back on the 14th in Japan and nabbed the #3 spot on the Oricon Weekly Chart, a testament to her popularity.
Album Rating: 8/10
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Mach GoGoGo! - Speed Racer Review
The film version of Speed Racer, a manga and anime franchise held up in our memories by nostalgia, had to stand up to nigh impossible expectations. Our recollection is vague, yet fiercely fond, and no big budget, Hollywood production cooked up by those kooky Wachowski brothers could live up to our beloved childhood cartoon. Couple those sentiments with early reports of a gargantuan price tag and an overly long running time and the film couldn't escape its bad rap. It is unfortunate because Speed Racer succeeds in providing solid family entertainment while skillfully playing on that old nostalgia.
Continue reading...
Reviewers decried the plot paper-thin, the colors headache inducing, and the physics too fantastic. However, re-watching the original cartoon on YouTube, it is all too accurate. Shrugging off the movie as suitable only for ten-year-olds is nonsensical; that's how old we were when we first started singing "Go, Speed Racer, Go!" and if we're too old and cynical to appreciate it now, doesn't that say more about us?
With that said, the movie was far from perfect; some of the lines did fall flat, few were genuinely funny, and the audience is hit at least one too many times over the head with the importance of family values. But, it was sufficiently visually stimulating that I didn't mind the length (a little over two hours) and the biggest plot point of the show was also the focus of the movie: the mysterious Racer X. The vivid, action packed racing scenes were cool, for veritable ten-year-olds and for those of us who are still ten at heart. And as predictable a movie about racing is, it manages to stay entertaining. I caught myself humming the theme song during the climax of the "dangerous race." (You remember, the one that spans two continents and includes volcanoes, a mountain range, and an ice path).
There weren't any earth-shattering performances but again, it's a family movie about racing. Emile Hirsch is a dead ringer for Speed, an excellent choice. John Goodman makes an excellent Pops and Christina Ricci is hot as Trixie. Korean pop-star Rain gets some US exposure and finds a way to appear shirtless more than once, something for which we can all be thankful. His English isn't half bad, either. And Speed's big brother, Rex *cough, Racer X, cough* is fine! Even Spritle and Chim-Chim are spot-on.
I enjoyed Speed Racer and I look forward to watching it again with my younger cousins. I'm glad I waited until everyone was finished talking trash to see it; contrary to most of the reviews, I found it to be a fitting tribute to the classic.
Monday, December 8, 2008
My new obsession - Sam Sparro Album Review
Sam Sparro, a new artist based in the UK, released his debut, eponymous album earlier this year and I figured I would introduce him with a review. Sam Sparro is a hodge-podge of disco, R&B, pop, and soul that makes for an inviting debut, as there’s likely something for everyone. And as for the dreamy Sam himself; ladies, he’s gay. Gay boys, he’s taken. Sigh... (continue reading)
The album kicks off with Too Many Questions, an introspective disco ditty made rich by Sam’s R&B vocals. Grammy-nominated Black and Gold comes in next, Sparro’s first hit record and already a staple in gay clubs across the States. The infectious track has definitely made for a great career-starter. Unfortunately, it would seem that Sam squandered his momentum by releasing 21st Century Life as the follow-up single. While not a throwaway, it is not exactly groundbreaking or distinct enough to warrant much praise. Jamiroquai could have made the same track, honestly.
Sick and Waiting for Time follow, both electronic-tinged mid-tempo tracks that add welcome variety to the overall sound of the album. Neither is as fabulous as Recycle It, however, a tongue-in-cheek, Prince-influenced interlude encouraging listeners to recycle. Love it. Cottonmouth is also awesome, possibly my favorite track on the album. It’s just a catchy, soulful head-bopper that has you singing along sooner than you think and putting it on repeat when it’s through.
Hot Mess, devastatingly enough, does not live up to its name. (And let us be frank; I’ve been waiting for a song called ‘Hot Mess’ to come along for years now). The Prince influence is there, but it mostly just sounds like a few of the other tracks on the album. His decision to leave ‘Hot Mess’ out of the chorus is over my head. I cannot figure it out. I also can’t understand why Pocket is the third single. I find it to be the least engaging song on the album. Sam himself sounds monotone on the track, as if he couldn’t be bothered with lacing this song like he did the others.
Cut Me Loose needs to be jettisoned to the clubs immediately. This song knocks and the lyrics are hilarious, especially the bit about the sexy girl he’s not interested in. Sam is caught again emulating Prince, but it doesn’t get old, similar to how Prince himself does not age. You can definitely ‘snap your neck, your back, and shake your rump.' Sally is hot as well, with Sam really putting the funk on his vocals. It’s somewhat campy, but it’s that dramatic, fun, gay brand of camp that’s endearing. Sam keeps it popping with Clingwrap, another hilarious banger that you can’t help but move to. If you’re not a fan after listening to these three songs in succession, then his music probably isn’t for you.
Can’t Stop This, by no means an awful song, isn’t quite as awesome as the previous three and ends up sounding like filler that could have been edited out in the interest of closing the album out neatly with Sam’s only ballad, Still Hungry. A pleasantly surprising respite from the rest of the disc’s intensity, Still Hungry is a track that I found easy to relate to, and provides Sam the opportunity to show off his pipes. His raspy, unique voice really shines here and I look forward to future ballads.
Listening to the album, Prince and Stevie Wonder’s influences are abundantly clear, but, oddly enough, I see Sam Sparro as Erykah Badu’s pop, male counterpart. Though not strictly an R&B singer, Sam demonstrates through his debut that he is capable of both Erykah’s wit and grit, especially on tracks like Cottonmouth. This is not mindless pop music crafted to attract the most listeners. Sam wrote or co-wrote every track and his artistry shines through his lyrics and melodies. Like some of Badu’s popular singles, there are those fresh, comedic lines that make you LOL when you listen, and he always delivers the swagger and/or emotion to make the songs engaging. There are also some similarities to Lady Gaga, though Sam is nowhere near as queer as the gay man trapped within that girl.
For a debut album, Sam Sparro is surprisingly complete. A solid effort from an artist with a promising future ahead of him. I was almost surprised that he didn’t get a Best New Artist nomination after being recognized for Black and Gold, but then I reminded myself that it is the Grammys after all, and how often do they get anything right. Moreover, there were legitimately quite a few awesome artists to burst on the scene in the last year. Either way, I am definitely a fan now and I recommend Sparro if you’re looking for something new, which you always should be.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Can you handle more Sasha? - I Am... Sasha Fierce Deluxe Review
I reviewed the standard edition of Beyoncé's new album back when it first leaked, but I didn't give my impressions on the seven new tracks included in the deluxe edition. So, here we go.
Smash Into You nudges its way in between Ave Maria and Satellites to make for a welcome addition to the better of the two discs. It's an almost saccharine sweet ballad, but Beyoncé sounds earnest enough that you believe the emotion. The chorus is just a touch reminiscent of Whitney's Run to You; a masterful touch. Unfortunately, the other additions to disc one are not as impressive. That's Why You're Beautiful and Save the Hero, while inoffensive, do little to better the album. Compared to the rest of the first disc, these songs are basically unnecessary filler.
Disc two nearly doubles in size between the standard and deluxe editions. Listening to Hello and Why Don't You Love Me, you start to wonder why Beyoncé bothered to release a deluxe edition at all, as again you're overwhelmed with the feeling that while these songs aren't awful, they aren't necessary either. But, then you hear Ego and Scared of Lonely. These tracks really redeem the second disc as a whole, even though Scared of Lonely sounds like it belongs to Beyoncé rather than Sasha.
Ego portrays Beyoncé's alter ego extremely well; finally Sasha Fierce is someone we care to know. The lyrics, like those in Diva and Video Phone, are cocky, but they actually work this time. "I don't need no beat, I can sing it with piano" is the kind of tongue-in-cheek line that makes Sasha personable and it's nice to know that the whole split personality gimmick has a solid foundation in at least one song. Scared of Lonely, while better suited to the first disc, is lovely. The strings are hypnotizing; leaving about a minute at the end of the track for just the instrumentation alone may have been the best decision Beyoncé made in regards to this album. While Beyoncé's restraint on the other tracks on the first disc is welcome, the instrumentation builds into such a grandiose production on Scared of Lonely, I wish she would have stepped it up a notch vocally. When she does try to inject more emotion into the lyrics, she growls, and it clashes with the delicacy of the lyrics and strings. Beyoncé likes to say she's a singer before she's a dancer or a performer or an actress, but throughout the entire CD she never really shows us what she's capable of as a vocalist. I think it's regrettable.
Oh, and bad news. Diva is the next single. Apparently that dumb b**** Sasha is driving the car.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Robert Pattinson Overload - Twilight Movie Review
So, I just got back from a midnight showing of Twilight. (Yes, I'm embarrassed). The movie, surprise, surprise, didn't get the most favorable of reviews, currently at a 43% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. I, myself, have mixed feelings.
First off, if you were already a 'fanpire,' you're gonna love this movie. You'll forgive all of its missteps, swoon every single time Edward Cullen is on screen, and won't want to get up when the lights come back on. Saying the film is faithful to the book makes all of the fans of the series look bad, but perhaps deservedly so, as I really think everything important in the book was included in the movie, including the unabashedly cheesy, lame, and campy parts. The movie, like the series, is somewhere between succeeding and failing, but the series is earnest enough and the film had Robert Pattinson, so we forgive, and in most cases, allow ourselves to become obsessed.
Bella, Edward, and Alice especially are all well-cast. No one else looks the way they're supposed to (except maybe the enemy vamps) but it doesn't really matter. Well, it's a tad disappointing when it comes to the rest of Edward's family, but we move on. There are a few good laughs, some intended and others, not so much. Robert Pattinson is so ridiculously gorgeous that it makes you uncomfortable. I've never been affected by an actor that way before. It's insane. If the movie translated anything accurately from the books, it's Edward and his beauty.
If you weren't already into the books, I highly doubt the movie will draw you in. If you're a gay male or straight female you'll be entertained at least, but you won't necessarily like it. Either way, the film is on its way to making a bumload of money, so the sequels are inevitable. I think the reviews are accurate, but, like any cult following, it's defiant of logic and reason. Mythology and hot boys just work. Gratuitous Robert, below.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Sasha Fierce is a dumb b**** - I Am... Sasha Fierce Album Review
Beyoncé’s new album leaked a couple days ago, as I mentioned, but caught up in all the election greatness as I was, I’m just getting a chance to listen. The way the songs were transferred to my iTunes, I listened to disc two first. That was a mistake. I’m going to go ahead and say that the second disc, as a whole, is garbage. Straight-up rubbish. The lyrics are inane, the beats uninspiring, and it’s hard to believe that this is the best that Beyoncé, the biggest woman in the game, can produce. This could only be the work of that dumb bitch, Sasha.
Keep reading...
The disc starts with Single Ladies. The song has definitely grown on me, but it’s one of those Beyoncé songs that I don’t really care to like. It’s like, this song is kinda stupid, but damn this beat is catchy, and she keeps saying “Single ladies” and “Put a ring on it!” and “Whoa-oh-oh” and yeah, I’m kinda feeling it now, play it again please. Radio, on the other hand, is a Beyoncé song I do care to like. It’s different and a step out of her comfort zone, but you can tell she still had fun recording the track. It’s easily my favorite song on the second disc.
Moving along into the muck that is the remainder of the disc. Diva is so wiggity-whack. Why is she rapping? On this whack a** beat? Moreover, since when is Beyoncé cocky? Oh, right. It’s that dumb bitch Sasha. Sweet Dreams, better known as Beautiful Nightmare, leaked quite some time ago and it’s pretty much the same track. It’s not awful, but it’s not exactly proof that Beyoncé can be successful pushing the envelope and experimenting with different sounds either. She reportedly recorded some 70 songs for this album and I won’t be convinced that there isn’t a track that better deserved a spot on the album.
And the last track on the disc (thank you, sweet Jesus) is Video Phone. Video Phone sounds an awful lot like the track Stupid from Raven-Symoné’s latest album. Except not as good. Now, when Raven is rocking a style harder than Beyoncé, something is wrong. Honestly, Beyoncé’s song should have been called 'Stupid,' because that’s how she sounds. The lyrics are mind-numbing, and it becomes crystal clear that Sasha belongs on the stage and not in the studio. If that’s what you have to call yourself to get in the zone and rock a performance, so be it. But keep that mess to yourself.
So just when I’m ready to write the album off and the disappointment starts to sink in, I start the album from the beginning. And talk about a 180 degree roundabout. Disc one is awesome. It’s the album I was hoping she’d put out. I’ve listened to each track a few times a piece now, and I’ve never been more impressed with her artistry. It’s just sad that it’s tainted by Sasha Fierce’s input.
If I Were a Boy is the album opener, and it really is a great song. I’m surprised she didn’t have a hand in writing the track, but she sounds great on it. An emotive Beyoncé is an engaging Beyoncé. Halo is super dramatic, but in a good way. Beyoncé never gets drowned out by the big instrumentation and she doesn’t even yell. By the end, you’re bopping your head and wondering why it’s over. Disappear is one of those pretty songs you can leave on repeat. Beyoncé rides the soft beat expertly and you start to see the potential greatness of Beyoncé, stripped down, accompanied with a guitar and nothing else, doing a set and shutting it down.
Broken-hearted Girl succeeds more on the merit of its instrumentation rather than its lyrics. The song builds really nicely, and we already know Beyoncé can lace a midtempo but she shows just the right amount of restraint. Ave Maria and Satellites have much the same feel. Both songs showcase Beyoncé’s vocals and she delivers. Satellites in particular is very pretty. Both are very chill and you’re lulled into this nice, relaxing place until Single Ladies rudely interrupts and you remember who you’re listening to.
Overall, I have to say I’m proud of B. This is the material I’m excited to see her perform. This is the next step Beyoncé needed to take to stay on top. It’s still Beyoncé, but it’s a reinvention. She’s vulnerable and you get a sense that the songs actually mean something to her. We really could have done without Sasha’s contributions, though. That dumb bitch really ruined a good thing.
I’m very curious as to how this album will be received by her fans. I think we all expected Sasha’s tracks to knock, but they don’t even manage to accomplish that. And the first disc is such a departure from her usual sound. Let me know what you guys think.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Raven-Symoné Album Review
Raven's new self-titled album leaked this weekend. I'm not ashamed to say I'm a huge Raven fan. I loved her on The Cosby Show, loved-loved her on That's So Raven, and generally think she's super talented. Most people, though, aren't as eager to give her so much credit. Either way, after listening to the album, my thoughts on her as an artist are reaffirmed.
Raven-Symoné reminds me at times of a Brandy album, maybe Never Say Never or Full Moon. Though Raven and Brandy sound nothing alike (I think Raven is more vocally able), some of the songs have that same vibe. At other times, the album sounds like no one else but Raven, possessor of her own brand of funk that works for her because it sounds genuine. And throughout the album, the lyrics are inspired and the songs polished. Her sound is mature and though nothing is inappropriate, there's nothing Disney about this album.
Raven-Symoné is one of those albums that you have to urge people to give a listen, and I'm not really interested in doing that. If you can go in with an open mind about the music, then I think you'll enjoy what you hear. Love Me or Leave Me is currently on repeat, In The Pictures is a nice grower, and her cover of Double Dutch Bus is hot if you're a fan of the original. Anti-Love Song may be the standout track on the album; Raven shines at mid-tempo and the production, courtesy of Knightwritaz, is on point.
I don't think the album sounds like conventional R&B; it has a face and Raven's fingerprints are all over it. Some vibes may overlap, but I couldn't see another artist putting out this album. Or pulling it off. It probably won't get the attention it deserves with next to no promotion, but it's definitely a solid effort that shows growth from Raven's last album, 2004's This Is My Time.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Mariah Leaks - E=MC² Album Review
She finally beat Elvis for the Billboard record for most #1 hit songs, but Mariah's new effort E=MC² leaked in its entirety shortly thereafter. A highly anticipated collection of work indeed, but in my opinion, a slightly disappointing one.
Continue reading...
After listening to the album a few times through, I didn't exactly dislike any of the tracks (though some were more than a little silly) but too few of the songs stood out. Mariah did switch some things up with the production, but the album as a whole feels formulaic and calculated; Mariah's efforts to make an Emancipation part two do not go unnoticed. As tempting as it must have been to use a successful album as a template, it seems that Mimi did more to constrain than guide, and some songs are petty pastiches of tracks that soared on her last disc. I Wish You Well is the most blatant example of this; clearly a knock-off of Fly Like a Bird that falls dreadfully short.
Mariah fans, relax. With the bad out of the way we can get to the good. I love Migrate; following in Mariah's apparent trend to come up with the silliest lyrics possible, it's inherently catchy and Danja's beat definitely doesn't hurt. Mariah's insistence on sticking with what worked last time around means Bye Bye will be the next single instead of Migrate, a mistake in my eyes. Bye Bye is a decent track, destined to make more fans because of its subject matter rather than its melody, but it doesn't measure up to the greatness that was We Belong Together. I'm That Chick is an example of Mimi's influence serving some good; those throwback elements she channeled on Stay the Night grab your attention away from the fact that Mariah's talking about "blazin' up and tasting her." For the Record, the insert song for those tacky perfume ads, is actually one of the best songs on the album. The harmonies are so good they're trippy, and the track can boast the distinction of having the highest note; no small honor on a Mariah album. I'll Be Lovin' U Long Time is classic Mariah. Fans will be blaring this from their car windows all spring and into the summer. And, of course, lead single Touch My Body has a special place in that sticky part of our heads, and on Mariah's mantle.
A decent effort, but no real growth and frankly, just not as good as The Emancipation of Mimi. It's Mariah, though, so the album will be inescapable. Prepare for at least five singles to be released to radio (she's beat Elvis, now she's going for the Beatles) and to listen to this album for the next two years.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Oh, Hikki - Heart Station Album Review
I'm not the biggest Utada fan. I know whenever she releases an album she shuts the game down, but this is the first album of hers that I've listened to in its entirety and so, I'm not in the position to compare Heart Station to any of her other efforts. With that said, after listening to this album, it's obvious why Utada is always on top; she's just that much more talented than damn near everyone else in j-pop.
Continue reading...
The album starts off with the brilliant Fight the Blues. The song has so much attitude and flair that you almost understand why it was released to Japanese radio as her seventh single from this album. Almost. Next up is the title track Heart Station, which I loved upon first listen. Flavor of Life, originally released as a single over a year ago, still holds up as one of the best songs on the album. Kiss & Cry took a while to grow on me, but grow on me it has; with it's saucy beat, it's one of the few songs on the disc that get me moving. Stay Gold, the standout track on the album for me, is a light, pretty ballad with lyrics reminiscent of those from Simple and Clean. It's simple and beautiful and I can never listen to it just once.
Even when Heart Station flounders, you only notice because it isn't up to par with the rest of the album's sheer brilliance. The second half of the album isn't as strong as the first, with the exception of Prisoner of Love. I didn't connect with Celebrate or Niji-iro Bus and honestly, since it was released way back in 2006, I think Utada could have gotten away with excluding Boku wa Kuma from the tracklist altogether. The sing-songy nature of the song doesn't mesh with the overall tone of the album and it deserved the bonus track treatment more than that other, lamer version of Flavor of Life.
Some artists are successful because they fill a certain niche really well. But, there's something about Utada's talent that's so left field. She doesn't sound like anyone, no one could hope to sound like her; there's only one Utada Hikaru. So, with this album, I'm officially a fan. It's astounding the number of hits included on the tracklist, and Utada is vocally and lyrically on point. I doubt I'd have to recommend this to anyone already into the j-pop scene, but if you're not, this is a great starting point.
Monday, February 18, 2008
'Back to Basics: Live and Down Under': A Review
As you may have noticed, I am quite the dedicated Christina Aguilera fan. And, so of course, I pre-ordered my copy of her new live DVD as soon as it was available, and when it arrived, watched it from start to finish, relishing every high note. Here are my impressions, most of them positive (go figure).
For the Back to Basics album, Christina went retro. Not everyone loved it, and I think Christina knew that while her fans would eat anything she dished out, this sort of material wasn't going to exactly take off on pop radio. And so, even though Christina is constantly criticized for her histrionics and acrobatic vocals, she made sure to sing the s*** out of every song anyway. Almost as if to say "You may not get or like what I'm going for, but you won't doubt my pipes for even a second." But, if you liked the album, or even if you didn't, as creative director, Christina put this show together incredibly well, and what seemed to be such a sprawling album translated surprisingly well to the stage.
Most of the tracklist is pulled from her latest album, but the few oldies she did include make for show highlights. Her newer material is definitely the most vocally mature, though, and so not a song goes by where you don't witness the power and versatility of her voice. Makes Me Wanna Pray, one of my favorites from Back to Basics, is, suffice to say, the greatest showcase for her vocals throughout the show. It just doesn't stop. It's interesting to note that during her first tour she focused more on the technical, and during her second she was clearly more concerned with putting her range on display. But, this time around, it's all power. Honestly, during many of the numbers, I was nervous she would crack. There's just so much force. But, her pipes hold up, of course. Some people don't care for this style of singing and wonder why Christina has to belt so loud and wring every note for all it's worth. But, all I can do is marvel. No one else on the pop scene can do what she can do.
Aside from her encore, Christina updates the older songs in the set to fit her new mood. Come on Over, Baby gets jazzed up to awesome results. What A Girl Wants gets a reggae twist. Dirrty becomes a circus anthem. It all works very well. Whoever is responsible for the retooling of her old hits definitely deserves his credit. It's interesting how well the songs lend themselves to reinterpretation.
It's not your typical pop concert; it's definitely a spectacle. Christina really went all out to achieve this vision, what with the stilts, flappers, and whatnot. I really think it's a testament to her artistry to do something so left-field. She's constantly evolving her sound and image, but all the old versions of Christina are still identifiable. Dirty Xtina's certainly still around, especially in her footage for I Got Trouble. All in all, I'd say it does the job of entertaining very well. I think there's a little something for everyone to enjoy, and Christina fans will enjoy it all. Now that the tour is out on DVD, the Back to Basics 'era' if you will is now complete. Can't wait for what's to come.
%20Billyrrom%20-%20Mirror%20Ball%20%231.png)
